FLASH FICTION CHALLENGE: WHO THE FUCK IS MY D&D CHARACTER

This is my first flash fiction challenge of the year and I’m I don’t know how I feel about it yet to be honest. The challenge was proposed by the wonderful Chuck Wendig and was pretty simple. Using a random character generator (D&D based of course) we had to write a story either completely based, half based or use elements of the character we got. I ended up with a Gnome fighter in a maximum security prison who’s just trying to get by. With elements of attempted comedy I present The Gnome and The Small Woman

She sat down on the rotten matress, her hands interlocked and her eyes focused on the gnome standing across from her. “I don’t want to kick your face in you know that” she whispered. “I’m sorry sweetie I couldn’t here you from down there” the gnome chuckled, his name was Ardine and he reveled in mocking someone shorter then him. Wasn’t very often he got the chance with him being two feet tall and weighing 10 stone. He was more used to giving then taking abuse.

The woman smiled and sat up. “My name is Meredith and I must confess something, I was once a human but one of your kind cursed me….. A terrible terrible curse indeed”. She flicked dirt down from her cloth shirt and continued. “Look around Ardine, we are both in one of the biggest maximum security prisons in the kingdom. Your here because of indecent exposure”.

The gnome started to protest but was shushed by the six centimeter tall woman instantley. “No No Ardine, its my time to talk now, anyway as I was saying, you are here for flipping your stuff and ill give you one chance to guess why I’m here”.

“Indecent exp-”

“Ill stop you there before you embarrass yourself further, I’m here for murder.”

The silence in the room was suddenly enveloped by a quieter sensation.

“Yeah I know, who would’ve thought that I Meredith Sarrih murdered a living being, and yes it was a gnome. Quick death of course, dropped a hammer on his head from a high shelf.”

The quieter sensation was enveloped by an even quieter sensation.

The gnome could almost feel the the blood rush from his head and for once not to his nether regions. “Are you gonna kill me”

Meredith bit her lip and looked up at the sweaty, overweight lump of a man. “Probably, I might just rough you up a bit but I don’t really know yet”.

And within the second Meredith ha leapt from the floor and was sat on Ardine shoulder. “Do you think I should kill you?” She whispered his ear before hopping back down to the floor. “How….. How did you……”. Meredith looked up once again with her big brown eyes and smiled “theres advanteges and disadvantages to everything”.

And with that quick remark the gnome attacked. His face mal forming into a caricature of living tomato. His first move was the one to decide the outcome of the battle. His knee raised high and with malicious intent he brought the heavy boot onto Meredith who was already out of reach. His boot landed where Meredith once stood and echoed across the empty cell.

Meredith grinned shyly from the other side of the room, in her left arm she held a silver pin in a fencing position. The gnome bit his lip, letting a trickle of blood run down his chin(s). He curled his hands up in fists and waited for Meredith to retaliate.

She did.

Running towards Ardine with the needle in her hand her feet pattered lightly on the stone floor , hell bent on finishing this. She Glided through his legs and gave a swipe to his ankle, the small needle somehow cutting through the fabric and the gnomes skin. He let out a scream of pain and fell to his knee’s, through his half closed eyes he could see Meredith mid jump with the needle directed right at his eye.

The guard chuckled slightly as he watched Ardine scream and crash to to floor through the cell gate. “How do they even get drugs into here anymore?” He
asked dryly to his fellow guard. “I know this may sound like Im being a shoddy worker but if them having drugs means we get to see them flip out like this I think its worth a few deaths here and there” answered the other guard, with his eyes trained on gnome.

Somehow they didn’t notice out the woman who was wiping blood from a needle.

The first guard stared at the one who just confessed that letting prisoners overdose was okay as long as it was funny. “You are a piece of shit Ted, you know that”.

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